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During the trip, against the back drop of the Rhine river in Germany and the grand plazas of Italy, I picked fights with my husband and let my mood swings suck every last drop of joy out of the experience.It wasn’t that I didn't want to have fun but it was more about not allowing myself to have fun because I was convinced that I didn’t deserve it.It was through the wisdom of authors such as Pia Mellody and Melody Beattie that my fears and quirks started to make sense.

I was surprised and secretly relieved when it appeared that my friends were hardly fazed by the details I shared.So not only was I back to feeling different but thanks to a couple of catty preteen girls I was also labeled a liar.It wasn’t until I started regularly attending Al-Anon meetings in my 20’s that I was able to connect with other people who had also been affected by addiction.Once our vacation was over, I thought about the other areas of my life where I sabotaged fun and enlisted the help of my therapist to work through those urges.Her advice was simple, “Dawn, you’ve just got to fight through it and make a deliberate effort to choose fun as often as possible.” I’m still working on this one and every now and again I fall back into my old patterns but at least now I know that I have a choice and that it is indeed okay and even necessary for me to choose fun.2.

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