When, not if, she later finds out she was right and allowed herself to doubt what she knew to be true, the sense of betrayal is magnified. Listen closely to what I am about to say: when your wife first finds out you have been looking at pornography, .This means she is not feeling the full extent of the pain and betrayal.Even if she doesn’t tell you or show you she is doing this, it is happening. It is psychological abuse, and you are better than that.When she questions her grip on reality, it is another experience of free fall–out of control and hopeless. Related: How can I prepare for my husband’s next relapse?This is the best and most loving time to tell her everything and to really come clean.Shock is God’s anesthesia, so spill the beans and spill all the beans at once.This gives you an idea of what your wife is feeling when you lie, deceive, or blame her to take the focus off of yourself.
Wives in my office repeatedly tell me, “If I let my guard down, I’ll just be devastated again.
Think of it this way: honesty creates emotional safety for your wife (and therefore for you).
Emotional safety is the foundation for any type of close relationship.
Repeated deceptions drive home her belief: “I can only trust what I discover, and I am convinced there is always more to discover.” Honesty really is the best policy. Being honest about the good, the bad, and the ugly actually re-builds trust with your wife and helps her heal.
That means less time on the emotional roller coaster of recovery.